Walking through grief; while eating through Spain on foot

After a parental death, your life feels as if a piece of you is a bit loose, no longer tethered as firm as you pretend it is.

What does any of this have to do with food and the reason most of you are here?! Well, a little context will help make the picture become clearer. I wouldn’t be the Curious soul/Chef I am today without the tenets of life & adventure my father taught me.

As my father’s daughter, I was raised to love and live in extremes. I always say that my childhood was a proper Dickens novel, “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times”. Hugo’s (dad) philosophy was, if you have $5 left in your pocket, buy the tequila/taco/ice cream! Wonderful for life stories, awful for financial stability! I am so acutely aware of the simple fact that I may not be on my current purpose if it wasn’t for my father instilling the curiosity to taste everything at least twice, make friends with strangers and always add to your collection of humans. As I write this it is impossible for me to keep my composure, I am currently on a train from Madrid to Astorga and a glass of rosado (rosé) listening to emo country with tears welling up in my eyes.

I am en route to start my journey through the French route of the Camino de Santiago, a 260 km (160 miles roughly) on foot toward Santiago de Compostela. A Christian pilgrimage that almost 400,000 souls trek through annually. I started the year deep in my feelings, what was I doing? How was I going to create the financial freedom for my little family, after the restaurant I built in 2021 was no longer bringing income in. The owners like many before saw me as a disposable asset and they chose to “part ways”. So like I do, I pivoted, as a single mother for the last 21 years I do this quite well. I thought, let’s teach classes! Bringing in 10% of my former income… ok, in hindsight that wasn’t a long term pivot. Then I let go, practicing what I preach to my mentees. The universe will clear the slate for new opportunities if you do not move out of your own f%ing way. I knew this but it didn’t stop it from being painful.

As I released expectations and my attachment to the end result I realized that I am still grieving my fathers death, in the moments in between my chaotically beautiful life, I sob like a hurt child at the circumstances around his departure from this cruel world. The man who taught to savor every bite of his dried shrimp aguachile, or the bright delicacy of freshly cut tropical fruit on a Sunday morning with The Gypsy Kings blasting, the fruit reminded him of his birth pueblo of Santiago Ixcuintla Nayarit. A place we went to every summer, a way to have me build a connection to our roots.

In March I reached out to a friend who had walked the Camino in Fall and told her that if she was doing any healing/soul work trips, i’d love to join. Within 10 minutes she responded, I am helping 10 women get to the Camino in May!! I checked in with my kids, my team and triple checked that I could “check out” for essentially two weeks & I got a boisterous “go!” What I didn’t expect was how the Camino unfolded for me, there’s many lores about this pilgrimage. The cliff notes; the camino unfolds for you way before you step on it. After saying yes, I booked all night stays in the various destinations/hostels that I was going to be sleeping at in two hours. It was surreal on how easy it was. An air of calm came over me. I let go of the panic energy of “how am I going to do it” and welcomed the “this is all happening for me” energy. My father never left the continent, even though I know he would be the absolute best adventure sidekick in all of my trios around the world. As a child he would say, “tu vas a llevar el apellido de Zepeda a los altos mas grandes del mundo mija” (you are going to take the last name of Zepeda to the highest highs baby” ) though his demons and childhood trauma never allowed him to see me get to the base of the mountain, I know he’s with me on the journey now. Without knowing prior to asking, my friend planned on the walk ending in Santiago on June 1st. The 2nd anniversary of my fathers passing… yes, I have been running from my grief for the last two years. That means I can walk 160km no problem, right?!

I will be documenting this journey and sharing food and recipes (for paid subscribers) throughout the León and Galicia region of Spain. Along with the recipes my father loved. Thanks for coming with me on this life and writing journey. If you follow me on IG ; Claudetteazepeda, I will be doing a video diary of this trip too #elcaminoconhugo . Xx-Clau